My husband and I celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary last week. We met on Match.com. We are a Match.com success story! We should be in one of their commercials. I know at least four other married couples who met on Match.com. For “older” people who don’t want to meet someone at a bar or at work (complicated) Match.com is a very good option.
I joined Match.com seven years ago. A girlfriend encouraged me to sign-up when she joined. She said it could be like a “wingman” situation and we could help each other sort out the possibilities. I wasn’t sure that I was ready but I joined for the shortest and cheapest time period to help my friend out AND test the waters. I “met” my husband online after three weeks. He emailed me. I did not find him. I ignored him and almost deleted him. Until I went to Florida a few days later to visit family. I told my stepmom that I had joined Match.com but I thought I might quit when the initial time period was up. I wasn’t sure that I was ready. I had sorted through what seemed like hundreds of DUDS. Every guy seemed yucky and creepy. I told her that I had received a few emails.
Stepmom: “Let me see what you’ve got to work with.”
Me: “Doesn’t this one look like a serial killer?”
SM: “What’s wrong with this one (my now husband)? He looks really nice.”
Me: “Ugh! He looks like a big nerd. And he’s an engineer. I’m NEVER having another relationship with an engineer. They speak a totally different language than I do!”
SM: (Reading his profile) “He sounds nice. Listen to this. He says he likes to listen to the rain and walk on the beach and drink wine.”
Me: “They ALL say that. They all say they they like to watch romantic comedies and snuggle and drink wine until you actually go on a date. Then you find out that all they want to do is watch Red Sox games all the time!”
SM: “Well this one sounds really nice and you’re being a snob.”
And then for the real zinger…
SM: “At your age you can’t afford to be so picky! (I was 46 at the time). You should be going out on a date with anyone who asks you. This guy seems nice and you just can’t ignore his email. You have to at least respond.”
Me: “Oh, alright.”
So I go into my dad’s office to type an email response.
Me: “Dear nerdy guy with the awful photo. Thank you for the nice email. My stepmother thinks you seem nice. She is making me do this…”
On second thought I better not be so snarky. Start over.
On second thought I better not be so snarky. Start over.
“Dear X. Thank you for the nice email. Sorry I have not responded but I have been on vacation” ( a little bit of a stretch but somewhat of the truth). Blah, blah, blah…
He responded back with another NICE email. Oooh. He likes wine. I like wine. He likes to play Scrabble. I like to play Scrabble. He grew up in Florida. I’m from Florida. Hey, he might actually get me!
We emailed back and forth for about ten days then made a plan to talk on the phone. The first night we talked for three hours. The second night we talked for three hours. He had a lot of interesting stories to tell. He had a deep, sexy voice. We had a lot in common. Oooh! This is starting to get interesting. After about a week of talking on the phone we made a date to meet in person.
We met at a local restaurant for dinner and ended up talking for almost three hours. The conversation was pretty good however I wasn’t feeling confident that there would be a second date. He seemed a little shy, didn’t dress particularly well and I wasn’t really physically attracted to him. We had a brief hug at my car and I drove home thinking that there would definitely NOT be another date.
But the guy kept calling me and I REALLY liked the guy on the phone. We made a plan for a second date a week later. My thought was that unless it was truly horrific the first time that I should give everyone a second chance. Everyone is nervous on a first date and may not be showing their true personality.
My guy came to pick me up at my apartment this time. He had a cute little convertible. He also was wearing Levis and a nice rugby shirt. He looked much better in jeans. I saw potential. We went out for pizza and bowling. Bowling was a better choice because it involved action! Action dates are good. We had to focus on other things besides just staring at each other across a table while eating and talking. Even though this date was better I still left date # 2 feeling a little unsure.
But he just kept calling me. He wanted to go out on Thursday. I told him that it was the season premier of Grey’s Anatomy and I wasn’t going anywhere. He could come over and watch it with me if he wanted. So he came over to watch this show that he had never seen before with me. The poor guy tried to be a little bolder and suggested that he wanted to get to know me better. I shut him right down. I actually said “I really like the guy on the phone. I’m still not sure about the guy sitting next to me on the couch!” Ouch. That was a little harsh. I can not believe that he did not run away at this point and actually called me again. He just kept calling! He must have really liked me. So I just kept talking to this really nice guy on the phone.
We made a plan for a fourth date to go into Boston for Italian food in the North End. It was late in the afternoon by the time he picked me up and I hadn’t eaten much that day. I get cranky when I haven’t had much to eat and my blood sugar drops. Really cranky! By the time we got to the North End I was not a nice person. At this point I think my guy finally realized that he probably didn’t want to go on another date with me! I was beyond the point of making rational decisions. We ducked into the nearest restaurant, Cantina Italiana, which just happens to be the oldest Italian restaurant in the neighborhood. The delicious meal, a bottle of wine and a full belly turned me into a nice person again. He made a mental note to notice the signs and get me food before I turn into a monster in the future. We shared wine and stories and walked all around Boston. We went to the theater district and had dessert at Finale. We walked and held hands.
We arrived back at the subway station around 11 p.m. and when we got on the train I fell asleep on his shoulder. He didn’t mind. He said it was the best feeling he had ever had because it felt like I trusted him. And I did. Getting on and off the train I realized that this guy was not going to let me fall. This guy was really nice. And kind. And gentle. And patient. And he seemed to like me. A lot! Just as I was. How could I have been so shallow and stupid? Big Aha moment!
When we got back to my apartment around midnight and before he left to go home I said “OK, I need you to kiss me like you mean it”. He did. Then I told him to come over on Thursday before Grey’s Anatomy for kissing lessons…
We were engaged eighteen months later and married on the second anniversary of our first date. Happy anniversary to the sweetest man on the planet! I love you and look forward to spending the rest of my life with you.